That is absolutely awful. I'm so sad this happened to you and your friend.
You shouldn't look for reason in transphobia. You did nothing wrong, and there is no reason for you to find in their behavior. This is hate and perversity. Pure and simple. They don't deserve your generous consideration.
I'm sorry that happened to your friend OP, but it would be nice if we could have thread titles that are not straight up transphobia. Because just scrolling by and reading that can be upsetting.
I live in the Pacific Northwest, right? Which is probably the best place to be trans in the English-speaking world right now. The average person is super accepting or at least tolerant, there are lots of legal protections, things are good. Didn't stop me being called a faggot walking into the grocery store one sunny afternoon. Which, I get that I'm really tall, so even though I've been transitioning for 2+ years I'll never quite pass. But idk, I don't think that justifies rolling down the window of your SUV to shout a slur at me while I'm just minding my own business.
Anyway, I only go to the store at 6am now. And that's how it goes, right? It's so easy to have your day or your routine or your life ruined by some asshole. Bad enough if it's some random stranger; worse if it's a boss or coworker. But what can you do? Cis people, the general population, they don't give a shit, they never say anything when it would matter. And if you make a big deal out of it people might resent you for not being a more pleasant victim, if they believe you at all. Fuck, I barely even visibly react to transphobia anymore because I'm just so used to it. I'm just becoming more avoidant, less trusting, less empathetic. This shit really damages your ability to see the good in people.
I'm very sorry that happened to you and your friend.
Two very clumsy attempts to "look on the bright side":
I do think that that attitude, or at least the public display of such, is dying out quickly. Within one or two generations people will keep their thoughts to themselves and settle for just drunken rants or a mean look.
Maybe this kind of nonsense is part of being a woman. Many many many of us (I imagine probably nearly all of us actually) grew up with all kinds of insults hurled at us from the time we became "not a young child". It didn't matter whether we had breasts or no breasts, high or low voices, tall or short, or what we are wearing: we'll be called whores and "ew fucking gross" and variations. Once time, a man begging for change at the left turn curb got some money from me, and I wished him a nice day, then he looked inside my car and judged it to be free of a male passenger and then said some very ugly things. He clearly looked first.
Whatever reason he said that to you and your friend, he had first judged that you are not powerful like a man and that he could get away with it. If he thought that here are two men walking down the street who could punch him in the face twice before he hits the pavement, he wouldn't have said it.
If I had to speculate, he probably thought of some disgusting thing to say to two ladies ahead of time when he saw you from a distance, and then decided to switch out of extra malice and shame over his own lust.
I hope I don't come across as dismissive of this awful event....but rather......welcome to the club: as a fellow woman I get it. Even within my lifetime things have gotten safer for women a little, and it is my sincere wish that it would become much safer for all women, especially the most vulnerable among us, as quickly as possible.
I'm so sorry you and your friend had to endure that behavior. I've been on the receiving end of it, and listened to the same kind of bigotry when out and about with friends or colleagues of different races, gender or sexuality presentations, ages, accents, apparent socioeconomic or immigration status, religious attire... You name a discernable human variation, and there's now nearly always someone who'll loudly broadcast their offense about it.
I'd commented on norm policing, and these self-appointed defenders of boundaries are just plainly and simply, assholes. They make everyone's experience of the world worse, to no justifiable end.
I think about the right of self-expression, and its boundaries. What kinds of self-expression are good for the community as a whole, what's neutral/unavoidable, and what's negative. There's a whole realm of politeness, the socially mediated expressions which are acceptable/unacceptable. [In political terms, this is the Overton window.]
The nasty people are trying to recategorize ordinary politeness and decency as "wokeness", to remove their obligation to treat other people as human beings equally deserving of public respect. Freedom of expression now includes a lot of fists meeting noses (as in, "your freedom to swing your fist should end before it hits my nose").
However much I try to extend my compassion and understand the ways in which I or others might be giving offense, there is no justification for their behavior which is compatible with a pluralistic civil society and fundamental human rights.
That is absolutely awful. I'm so sad this happened to you and your friend.
You shouldn't look for reason in transphobia. You did nothing wrong, and there is no reason for you to find in their behavior. This is hate and perversity. Pure and simple. They don't deserve your generous consideration.
Most likely, he thought that a pair of girls wouldn't punch him on the nose.
I'm sorry that happened to your friend OP, but it would be nice if we could have thread titles that are not straight up transphobia. Because just scrolling by and reading that can be upsetting.
Many such cases :/
I live in the Pacific Northwest, right? Which is probably the best place to be trans in the English-speaking world right now. The average person is super accepting or at least tolerant, there are lots of legal protections, things are good. Didn't stop me being called a faggot walking into the grocery store one sunny afternoon. Which, I get that I'm really tall, so even though I've been transitioning for 2+ years I'll never quite pass. But idk, I don't think that justifies rolling down the window of your SUV to shout a slur at me while I'm just minding my own business.
Anyway, I only go to the store at 6am now. And that's how it goes, right? It's so easy to have your day or your routine or your life ruined by some asshole. Bad enough if it's some random stranger; worse if it's a boss or coworker. But what can you do? Cis people, the general population, they don't give a shit, they never say anything when it would matter. And if you make a big deal out of it people might resent you for not being a more pleasant victim, if they believe you at all. Fuck, I barely even visibly react to transphobia anymore because I'm just so used to it. I'm just becoming more avoidant, less trusting, less empathetic. This shit really damages your ability to see the good in people.
I'm very sorry that happened to you and your friend.
Two very clumsy attempts to "look on the bright side":
I do think that that attitude, or at least the public display of such, is dying out quickly. Within one or two generations people will keep their thoughts to themselves and settle for just drunken rants or a mean look.
Maybe this kind of nonsense is part of being a woman. Many many many of us (I imagine probably nearly all of us actually) grew up with all kinds of insults hurled at us from the time we became "not a young child". It didn't matter whether we had breasts or no breasts, high or low voices, tall or short, or what we are wearing: we'll be called whores and "ew fucking gross" and variations. Once time, a man begging for change at the left turn curb got some money from me, and I wished him a nice day, then he looked inside my car and judged it to be free of a male passenger and then said some very ugly things. He clearly looked first.
Whatever reason he said that to you and your friend, he had first judged that you are not powerful like a man and that he could get away with it. If he thought that here are two men walking down the street who could punch him in the face twice before he hits the pavement, he wouldn't have said it.
If I had to speculate, he probably thought of some disgusting thing to say to two ladies ahead of time when he saw you from a distance, and then decided to switch out of extra malice and shame over his own lust.
I hope I don't come across as dismissive of this awful event....but rather......welcome to the club: as a fellow woman I get it. Even within my lifetime things have gotten safer for women a little, and it is my sincere wish that it would become much safer for all women, especially the most vulnerable among us, as quickly as possible.
I'm so sorry you and your friend had to endure that behavior. I've been on the receiving end of it, and listened to the same kind of bigotry when out and about with friends or colleagues of different races, gender or sexuality presentations, ages, accents, apparent socioeconomic or immigration status, religious attire... You name a discernable human variation, and there's now nearly always someone who'll loudly broadcast their offense about it.
I'd commented on norm policing, and these self-appointed defenders of boundaries are just plainly and simply, assholes. They make everyone's experience of the world worse, to no justifiable end.
I think about the right of self-expression, and its boundaries. What kinds of self-expression are good for the community as a whole, what's neutral/unavoidable, and what's negative. There's a whole realm of politeness, the socially mediated expressions which are acceptable/unacceptable. [In political terms, this is the Overton window.]
The nasty people are trying to recategorize ordinary politeness and decency as "wokeness", to remove their obligation to treat other people as human beings equally deserving of public respect. Freedom of expression now includes a lot of fists meeting noses (as in, "your freedom to swing your fist should end before it hits my nose").
However much I try to extend my compassion and understand the ways in which I or others might be giving offense, there is no justification for their behavior which is compatible with a pluralistic civil society and fundamental human rights.
It always makes me sad and angry when people experience hate.
Wishing the best for you and your friend